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Last Of The First Men

And now, Dr. Ouchie! My colleagues and I at the Disease Control Depot developed the Wisdoma vaccine to help mankind get beyond the primitive mindset of the OGLE movement! To overcome the STUPID-19 and to enable the advance to the next stage of consciousness. Maria: But then he was interrupted by an OGLE cultist’s bullet! Now thanks to the miraculous DCD Revivification process using nanobot, xenobot, necrobot and AI technologies, I’ve not only been restored to health. I’m now ready to emerge from my hermetically sealed environment back into the natural world. Reliance on old superstitions will take us backwards. pure Science- knowledge-is infallable! —but in the hands of Scientists, who are after all imperfect humans, the potential for danger is always present. As a safety precaution, we don’t want to release any ‘bots into the environment. But the latest AI analysis shows 100% of the ‘bots have been purged from the chamber! So it is now safe to unseal the chamber! it’s a good thing we can trust the AI...?

Tags: AI, comic, cultist, nanobots, neighbors in conflict, political humor, revivification, science, social satire, weekly web cartoon

Published On: May 22, 2023

Doctors if the drones get through to Norm Shatterd, shouldn’t that end his malicious behavior? As the most severe case of authoritarian grifter I’ve ever seen ... I have no idea how extreme Shatterd’s reaction will be when he suddenly feels empathy for the first time. But as we gather data it suggests the Wisdoma vaccine causes extreme fanatical thinkers to revert to their true nature. Here comes more drones!! Keep throwing those lawyers at any threats to me!! Aye aye Chosen One! But we’re down to the 3rd rate hacks! Fine! They’re expendable! I only need them for temporary obstruction!

The insurrectionists have knocked out half our drones Mayor! Send the second wave ! these bad dudes are going down! You got it mayor! I can drop this burger right into Norm’s grubby little hands if I can avoid being shot for 30 seconds! You go out around the back and I’ll go to the bedroom window and distract Norm’s deluded puppets! Those puppeta are armed and dangerous so if you’re going to attract their attention you need to be really careful! They’re also either stupid or blinded by ambition I can handle them! Okay I’ll put the capsule in the burger and hook it all up! Sounds like our new refrain! oh Put de capsule in de burger and hook it all up! Yoo hoo fellas! I like your big guns” (snicker)

You first, I’m wearing armor! OWW! Villians! Ne’er do wells!! Those crazy dastards got off a lucky potshot! Good thing I had my “helmet” on! Boomie Get down! : is that mt cue for “That’s gonna leave a mark?” Hey!! thet killed my favorite pot!! This means war!!

Okay troops we need to spread out and locate every OGLE cap wearer or anti Wisdoma vaxxers on the block. They are on a rampage and we’re the last line of defense for the rule of law! Here comes The Creeper contingents! The Culling of Leftists cannot be stopped! My Three Stooges-I mean-Valued Advisors have arrived. it’s Storm time! Troops! Advance! Double Time! High value targets straight ahead!! Are we here yet? the fifth!! I’m here for the violence!

Presenting the Grand Opening of the most amazing building ever, Shatterd Silo! (Norm stands in front of silo) Your favorite leader, Me, with a huge record of terrific accomplishments, perhaps the most accomplishments ever, has now erected the greatest Silo of all! Yeah but at what cost to the neighborhood you corrupt egomaniac!! It’s not enough for you to trash the environment, you’re only happy when neighbors are at each other’s throats! When I’m declared the rightful Mayor the vile radical left along with the drug pushers will get the death penalty! And I’ll pardon all my beautiful supporters! With Norm it’s always about “rally” size! Hey Norm how much Viagra did it take to get that thing up?

Before you put your plan into action, Auntie, you should be made aware of the reasoning behind the decision to vaccinate the entire population. Sure, Doc, I just want to bring peace and quiet back to the neighborhood A useful way to think about it is comparing the Wisdoma vaccine to education. Experience teaches us the best way to maintain a healthy democracy is to have an educated, informed populace The problem is how do we design an efficacious education curriculum for a free society without every single interest group declaring that some portion of the curriculum is biased or harmful to their interest? Yet without a common education that produces competent functioning citizens we can’t maintain our democracy. one look at the cult outside tells you that religious education is an oxymoron that produces morons. we’re running out of options, we must get off the pot and just enlighten everyone using Wisdoma, or this neighborhood is continuing down a death spiral! no doubt, but be careful! don’t tell boomer to get off the pot unless you want to see him throw a tantrum!! how aboutlet’s roll? indubitably!

Your scientific theories are beyond me, but I do know that the Wisdoma vaccine improved my mental focus. If that was your only reaction it indicates that you were already well adjusted to live in a civilised society. Do you mean some folks have more extreme reactions? Data so far suggests that the recipient ‘s propensity for ignorance and antisocial traits directly correlates to the intensity of their reaction. Ummm.. So you mean the change is most obvious in the most naturally unreasonable people! Yes! ! If that’s the case, then I have a theory (whispers to O & M) 6 Marcia: I believe that may be effectuated! I’d have to have a hole in my head to want to do that! And I do!!

These are dark times! Extreme radical leftists will never stop trying to destroy me and my neighborhood! Your Neighborhood? I’ve been streaming video of your malicious antics since your first rally, Pally! I sent the link to the city attorney and he’s very interested! how dare the evil left try to hold me accountable? One witchhunt after another since I started the OGLE movement! After I stood up for more toilet water it was the Flusha Flusha hoax! Followed by the phoney fraud that innocent me incited a riot! perhaps the Most persecuted person ever in history! Now you want to hold my own words against me? Yeah because they’ve made a mess of -MY NEIGHBORHOOD TOO!! Justice is coming psycho! Bring it on, only I will have absolute authority and there’s nothing you or your pal antifa can do about it! Just keep the burgers coming!

NOTHING is off limits to stop the left because you are pure evil!! I know this is a crazy idea but Norm, I’m going to make one last appeal to your common sense! I’m not moving, and I don’t think YOU are, so why not cut the creep act and quit causing chaos! Excuse me! You are a horrible nasty lightweight person! Don’t ever talk to the Chosen One that way! I should have known ... you’re such a child Norm. You said it yourself, your minions are plain stupid! And you’re all headed for disaster if you keep up the stupidity! Pray to your demons you’re wrong, Satanist, because if I go down I will take you all down with me!! Don’t let the Gates of Hell hit you on the butt on your way down! Have a nice trip and fall!

Put that rifle away! What the hello is wrong with you crazies? We’re protecting our way of life either join us or else!! We’re comin’ for you, libs! Yeah you and anyone else who tries to take our guns! We don’t want your guns! Just stop pointing them in our direction! Yeah!! Double Yoo Tee Eff!! What is it with you guys? Why are you so paranoid all the time? We wouldn’t be paranoid if everyone wasn’t out to get us!

I hereby declare we have thoroughly and conclusively documented the extreme Deep Block liberal plot to kidnap, rape and eat our precious babies!! And they want to abort the rest of them!! Those two have left for Planet OO! Don’t talk to them! Police!! Everyone hold it right there!! Especially you! What the hello is that thing?! This is Robodogcop Advanced Model FIDO-X1000! My new mode of transport! A real bargain from our asset seizure program starting at $75,000 For the basic model! What business do you have on this block?

Why are you even talking to me? You’re an accessory to murder AND the cause of my headache! You and your redneck pal have a lot to answer for you thug!! More leftist lies!! My Unibrowed Boy stood up to protect his rights and his way of life! That’s called self defense! This isn’t about who incited what! This is about Blockage Integrity!! Your joke scam isn’t funny anymore!! Making up a cult about Lawn Order is one thing! Yeah! But you can’t go around shooting people you don’t agree with! No I don’t take responsibility at all!! You radical leftistss forced real citizens to defend their rights when you went after our Green Lawns! We never—!You have gone too far you have to be stopped! It’s time to get the law involved you can’t get away with this!! Just watch me patsy! But if you go around eating babies then the people will demand justice! Oh, and power is more importsnt than truth!

This is no trickery sir! My vocation is to help humankind! The Wisdoma vaccine is a great boon to the planet! You’re the foreigner from across the street right? Yes sir, I’m Archie Garcia PhD, but I’m not- Patriots do not want your Commie Plot vaccine! It’s the Invasion of the Body Snatchers vaccine!! I beg to differ, the vaccine above all gives one clarity of thought! That’s a good thing for YOU Norm! I don’t want any 5G radiating from my skull or microchips that turn me into a human magnet!! We will not be Commie Mind Slaves! I’m afraid you’re the victim of misinformation! We plan to begin Voluntary inoculations next week! Come on Shatterd, don’t you want everyone to be wise and enlightened? That would be the GREATEST DANGER EVER to MY way of Grift—I mean life!

: I don’t know if those OOlalalers are for real or a bunch of clowns! I’m glad you caught their silly cult on video, no one will be able to take them seriously! Yeah, I’ll edit it down to the full crazy and post the highlights on line! Hey you old Hippie Freak! Why d’ya wear that vest? Is that where you “stash” your “roaches”? Awww did the little redneck run out of OXY? You ever heard of Dueling Banjos, Cosplay Boy? Of course!! Careful with the insults, Commies!! Meet my dueling harmonicas!! Let’s Boogie Beageloo! Oh I don’t know but I been told, OOlala video could be pure Gold! The Crazy Leftists are rioting! Dance, Cracker!

oomer & Norm live on a “two house block” Boomer is the “house on the left” Norm is the “house on the right” and “there is no center house on this block”. This is the story of two reluctant neighbors. Hey Norm! FYI I’m switching from a lawn to sustainable landscaping. What extremist nonsense are you talking about now? Bushes, rocks, wildflowers—no grass, it’s better for the environment. Not on your life Mister this here’s a “Green Lawn” block, understand? I’m going to make this block Great Again!! Yeah well mowing the grass sucks so deal with it! We’ll see about that! My lawyers will make LAWN ORDER mandatory!! Fascist!! Antifa Scum!!

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